Big hug to all of those who have/had a shitty mom and is having a tough time today

[citizen blues]

29. Thank you for posting.

I was adopted out of foster care at the age of two and was nothing but a disappointment to my adoptive mom, which she constantly reminded me of. I grew up afraid that any minute she was going to take me back to foster care and trade me in for better model.

No, my mom never loved me. When I say that I get one of several reactions: a look of pity with a "there, there. I'm sure your mom loved you"; or a look of disgust, "how ungrateful! How could you ever think such a thing"; or an eye-roll, "what a drama queen".

When I say that she didn't love me, I'm not being any of those. I'm simply stating what was. She just wasn't capable of accepting and loving any little girl who didn't measure up to this fantasy daughter she had created in her head.

She died right before I turned 14, and I ended up back in foster care until I aged out of the system. Since, I've had intensive therapy and been treated for PTSD. But I honestly can't say that I'm sorry she died. In many ways, it set me free.

Yet, Mother's Day is still one those days I keep my head down and just get through it.