The DU Lounge

nadine_mn

(3,702 posts)

33. One of the reasons I didn't have kids either

Sun May 14, 2017, 10:09 PM

May 2017

Was the fear that I would be like her. Also my mom needed constant attention, so in a way I always had to be the "adult" even as a kid. She would throw temper tantrums if she didn't get her way, give everyone the silent treatment and the adults in my family always had me (even in single digits of age) be the one to reason with her and apologize or coax her out of her mood.

My fear of the type of parent I would be was a deterrent. Now I have also seen the other nightmare I avoided...her as a grandmother trying to manipulate my children. I belong to a Facebook group of daughters with narcissistic mothers and so many horror stories of fighting over the grandkids.

Lol - I also came out questioning authority...so good for you!

Edit history

Please sign in to view edit histories.

Recommendations

0 members have recommended this reply (displayed in chronological order):

54 replies

= new reply since forum marked as read

Highlight:

Big hug to all of those who have/had a shitty mom and is having a tough time today [View all] nadine_mn May 2017 OP

Took courage to post cilla4progress May 2017 #1

I had a wonderful Mom, but I appeciate this point and likewise send my thoughts to those who did not hlthe2b May 2017 #2

Seconded... I had parents who were great people. But I can understand TheDebbieDee May 2017 #3

Ditto lostnfound May 2017 #4

I had a mom exactly like yours. riverbendviewgal May 2017 #5

I'm always amazed.... Rorey May 2017 #6

I have to agree bad dads everyone shakes their head like oh yeah I understand but bad moms? lunasun May 2017 #7

Yes, had PTSD nitemares last nite jodymarie aimee May 2017 #8

oh you had a narcissist mom too - I recognize nadine_mn May 2017 #9

I too am slow to anger, forgave way too much cpamomfromtexas May 2017 #18

Hang tough. It took me forever to disengage, but it was the best thing I ever did. Squinch May 2017 #10

Forget the guilt. Think of what it's been like since no contact and how you wouldn't want to lunasun May 2017 #13

Thank You for Your understanding .. furtheradu May 2017 #11

Had a great Dad. My mother was difficult. Jarqui May 2017 #12

Aye my mom was far from perfect but I still miss her and would do anything to have more time cstanleytech May 2017 #14

Grandmother terrorized me. Chasstev365 May 2017 #15

I can identify. Nightmare really. cpamomfromtexas May 2017 #16

K&R for a usually unacknowledged truth. nt zentrum May 2017 #17

Yep bpositive May 2017 #19

My mother was a cold blooded monster! Mountain Mule May 2017 #20

That's horrible onlyadream May 2017 #22

Oh I am so sorry - what an awful experience for you nadine_mn May 2017 #27

You and I are truly survivors! Mountain Mule May 2017 #44

I understand onlyadream May 2017 #21

I feel sad for my mom. She had no way to be happy, thus neither did I. Then. Augiedog May 2017 #23

Thank you Generic Brad May 2017 #24

I always had the same thing on Fathers Day. Trying to pick out a card that didn't feel hypocritical Amaryllis May 2017 #25

You are definitely not the only one TxDemChem May 2017 #26

I thank my lucky stars .... LenaBaby61 May 2017 #28

Thank you for posting. citizen blues May 2017 #29

People can be such jerks...I'm sorry nadine_mn May 2017 #32

Big hug back, and thx for opening pnwest May 2017 #30

One of the reasons I didn't have kids either nadine_mn May 2017 #33

So sorry OceanChick May 2017 #31

I miss her... Snackshack May 2017 #34

No nadine_mn May 2017 #38

Message deleted by DU the Administrators stopwastingmymoney May 2017 #43

I was relieved when my mother died... skypilot May 2017 #49

Don't even try to explain. athena May 2017 #52

I don't miss mine at all lunasun May 2017 #42

i know MFM008 May 2017 #35

Well said. silverweb May 2017 #36

Sib, is that you? politicat May 2017 #37

Congrats on 18 months !! Many more to you . People with functioning mothers will try to lunasun May 2017 #40

Get a copy of this and curl up in front of the TV in a fetal position... Rollo May 2017 #39

Message deleted by DU the Administrators Archae May 2017 #41

I get you Bettie May 2017 #45

I appreciate threads like this and others... Phentex May 2017 #46

Thank You! Duppers May 2017 #47

hugs to you on such a difficult day. niyad May 2017 #48

Therapy.... MountainMama May 2017 #50

hugs to all of you, Been there, done that , got the tee shirt. demigoddess May 2017 #51

I wish I could give you a big, big hug....I'm glad the day is over. I highly recommend an article Upthevibe May 2017 #53

Mine was a fucking monster...to put it nicely. bikebloke May 2017 #54