Big hug to all of those who have/had a shitty mom and is having a tough time today

[nadine_mn]

38. No

I'm sorry, but no. My mother used to pretend she was dead when I was 3 yrs old and would lay unmoving until I was screaming in terror and would laugh. She would ignore me for days when I was 5-7 yrs old, and I somehow had to try to feed myself and go to school. Everyday she told me she wished I had never been born, that I was worthless, that no one would love me, that I was ugly, mean, cruel,etc. When I was 8 she woke me up with my dog's empty collar in her hand and said she was gone. Again, once I started screaming and crying, she laughed and said April Fools.

She accused me of horrible acts and labeled me unthinkable names...things as a kid I didn't understand. She knowingly put me in the presence of child predators and accused me of inticing them and ruining her relationships. I am an only child, for over 44 yrs I have been there for her, done everything she asked, put my own life on hold for her at times, and never said an unkind word to her. Never raised my hand to her...not even to defend myself when she would hit me.

She accuses my husband of cheating on me, then laughs like it is a funny joke. She has destroyed relationships I have had with other family members, has used me to further her own sick agenda. Two years ago, the thought of spending time with her (when she needed in home care and the hospital assumed that it would be me) literally made me suicidal and I needed to go into treatment. When I explained to her afterwards that I had been suicidal (but obviously not the reason why) she laughed.

She refused to take me to the doctor or dentist when I was in pain (my grandparents would) or if she did, I had to pay her back (even at 11 yrs old). She refused to by me school clothes because I was too fat..or made me shop in the maternity section. Again my grandparents stepped in. I was literally told to walk off a broken ankle (and I did, fractured it in high school and never went to the doctor).

Up until recently, I believed I deserved to be treated like this. What fences are there to mend? She has never done a single thing for me that didn't serve a purpose for herself. She has never put the needs of her child before her own comfort. So finally after 44 yrs I am done.

I am sure your intentions are good...but honestly please understand when I say that I would have been better off raised by wolves in a forest than by her. I am dealing with chronic PTSD and depression, contact with her sets my therapy back months if not years. Another chance given to her is another chance to abuse me.

Narcissists don't know they are ill..they would have to admit there is something wrong with them and narcissists don't think they are ever wrong. She will never be able to love someone..it's mentally/emotionally/psychologically impossible. And I am not going to continue to let myself and my marriage be hurt by her.