People who had loving mothers will never get it. I've tried and tried, so many times, to explain it to my best friends, but it's impossible to convey how truly horrible it is to have a narcissistic mother to someone who didn't have one. Even mothers who love their daughters sometimes drive them crazy, and when you try to explain your troubles to such daughters, they think they've been through similar things and that you're too sensitive for not being able to deal with it.
My mother never did the kinds of things yours did; she was subtle and underhanded, and she knew exactly which buttons to push to make me feel horrible while preserving plausible deniability. She did, nonetheless, manage to instill in me the belief that there is something horribly wrong with me. I cut off all contact with her years ago, and she still sends me e-mails trying to convince me to leave my husband because she's jealous of my happy marriage. Thanks to therapy, I have been able to make great progress on developing self-esteem, but it's still difficult at times.
I know, and many others with narcissistic mothers would agree, that your decision to have no contact with your mother is an excellent one and is completely justified. Do not feel the need to explain it to those who will not understand. Trying to get people to understand is "people-pleasing" behavior that we daughters of narcissistic mothers have to constantly watch ourselves against. We are forever trying to get from strangers the love and approval that we never got from our mothers. I was doing something similar myself earlier today. Just know that you are lovable, that you have suffered unfairly and unnecessarily, and that you are not alone. 
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