Dogs have Owners; Cats have Staff

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

14. My cat Pixie would wear black. She's kind of emo.

She'd attend alt rock festivals and maybe Burning Man, and she'd drink soy milk or kale slurpees. She'd hassle you if she caught you drinking bottled water.

Milo would wear mom (or dad) jeans and Hush Puppies (or, as we used to call them, math professor shoes), and he'd drink boxed wine without apology. He would enjoy sentimental movies, even those about dogs.

Jeoffry would worry that he's getting a paunch, so he'd wear Sans-A-Belt pants and long cardigan sweaters. He'd drink expensive Scotch when people are looking, but cheap bourbon when they aren't. He'd watch superhero movies, and secretly would look at fairly conventional porn on the Internet.