Once upon a time, a LONG time ago,...

[xfundy]

3. It's hard to escape the crap we were indoctrinated into believing.

I finally realized I wasn't going to "grow out of" being gay at about 18, but still kept it a secret from friends and family for many years. Now, they all know, since I told a relative who swore she could keep a secret. And they're still "Christian" rednecks, and we don't see each other, and that's fine with me.

Now, I was raised to be southern batshit, with all the inherent racism, and though I've eliminated every conscious racist thought, sometimes the old conditioning still pops into my head and is struck down yet again. Typically it's happened when someone is rude or unpleasant.

Same thing happens sometimes about certain gay people -- "stupid f*g," I've thought to myself. It's far easier to go with the lizard brain than to actually think, and it will probably never be defeated, but I don't have to obey it.