Once again, I am terrified.

[Solly Mack]

47. Being terrified was the normal for me from my diagnosis/ throughout my treatment.

I nodded a lot to questions and well wishes; my brain detached.

Nothing anyone said or did could keep the terror at bay.

I smiled a lot. I probably looked like an idiot.

It's OK to be afraid. Even terrified.

It's a scary time.

You make the best decisions you can about your course of treatment, but the fear doesn't go away.

It won't really go away even after you get some good news.

The fear of "What if" is always there.

It eases some over time, but the thoughts can come rushing back with a quickness.

Still, you move forward and that's a good thing.

You are moving forward. From one step to the next - and it is a one step to the next process. Deliberately so. Your team of doctors want to get the treatment right. It matters.

Right now, nothing is moving faster than your mind, and that too is terrifying.

You need it to be the next phase, the next step - now.

That's perfectly normal.

But you need to also give yourself a break.

Try to.

It's hard, I know.

Cancer is the big distraction. So how do you distract yourself from that?

You come here. Talk it over with people who understand what you're going through.

Just giving voice to your fears can lift the burden a little.

It did for me.

You're in my thoughts.