I'm so tired. May I talk?

[mopinko]

16. that was me last year, fersher.

had a couple of tough years, end of a long marriage, loss of my sister, and a list of petty health issues that all flared up at the same time.
last year, esp, seemed like i crawled through it on my hands and knees.

i managed to chew through the onion to get the health issues under control.
got my head meds tuned up, and i am doing much better.

but i spent a whole lot of that year barely keeping my critters alive. i spend most of the day curled up on my bed w my 2 big dogs. it seemed like a waste, but it gave me as much peace as anything every has.

i made a point of patting myself on the back for what i DID get done.
and i made a point of forgiving myself for what i didnt get done. told myself over and over that i could do what i could do, and that was just what it is.
acceptance. and gratitude, esp for those dogs.

as i started feeling better, i discovered that the acceptance had taken root.
i am more able to take pride in my accomplishments.
i feel competent when i look around my little farm, and my chores just arent as heavy now.

i hope you can find healing, dear.
if you think life might work out better somewhere else, find a way. sell whatever you can, pack what you really need, and go.
when you get there, you will have done a huge thing. so you will know you can still di huge things. maybe that will convince you of your worth.

keep writing. i dont think you should erase it, tho. if it isnt right, start over. do it till it feels right. dont judge, just write. judgement is for editors.

always available in here.