I recently found out that a visitor to my home considers me a racist ...

[JoePhilly]

11. My father in law said something a few years ago that might connect here ...

First, he and I, and my wife, are white.

He's a "good christian" blah blah blah ... and in some off handed discussion, he said about blacks ... "they are more black than we are white".

That comment reminded me of a discussion I had with a close black friend years before. He explained to me how as a white guy, I was almost never reminded that I was white. At the time, I was one of 2 white guys on a basketball team where the 13 other guys were black.

I was one of the better players, and yet, some of the other guys would still talk me down. A white guy simply could not be "that good". Black was the default setting for a good player. It bugged me.

My friend told me, "that's how we feel all the time". We are never just one of the guys, we are always black. And we get reminded that we are black all the time.

I get the sense that your daughter's friend doesn't get this ... but she feels reminded that she's white, around you.