Everything wrong with the New 52 Justice League in one picture [View all]

[Bucky]

This was a horrible comic. When I heard DC was rebooting itself, kindasorta, last year, I thought it sounded fun. Maybe they were getting the high wankery and the plotless drivel that drove me away from comics in the first place. Of course the comic I grabbed was the flagship title. I bought a few issues of the "new and improved" Justice League. Maybe they were going to go back to the character driven, rollicking adventures of the Steve Engelheart hey days. Maybe they'd finally figured out that what readers want is story, not page after page of egotastic posing by self-satisfied demigods.

Good god, I was wrong. The plot was nonexistant. It was just one long, boring fight scene stretched out across half a dozen issues with giant single panel splash pages that struggled to fill up the allotted space, and each character shouting variations on "Only I can save the day!" over and over. The story was terrible. The conflict was Darkseid, surely the most overused supervillain in the DC universes, wanted to kidnap Superman, and went about it in a clumsy way so as to attract the attention of the most powerful people on the planet (who all just so happen to be Americans).

Here's how the characterization worked: Flash showed how awesome he was by kicking ass on Darkseid's minions. Then Wonder Woman Flash showed how awesome she was by kicking ass on Darkseid's minions. Then Superman Flash showed how awesome he was by kicking ass on Darkseid's minions. Then Aquaman Flash showed how awesome he was by kicking ass on Darkseid's minions. Then Cyborg Flash showed how awesome he was by kicking ass on Darkseid's minions. Then Green Lantern.... Ya Basta!!

In protecting Superman from Darkseid, they heroes paid little attention to the destruction being wrought. And yet somehow the people who crawled out of the rubble somehow rose up as one and acclaimed "Yay, Superheroes!" rather than, say, "Hey someone call an ambulance for all the other people still trapped under this rubble!" There was no hint that the about-to-become buddies cared about the victims, or noticed for that matter--they were just surprised that everyone wasn't pissed at them.

I remember when the Justice League used to save the world. Now they just band together to save each other. Citizens? Pfff, plenty more where they came from.

Finally, there's the redesign of the suits. Here again a bland uniformity prevailed. Each costume seems to be a variation on the classic costumes, but with the same articulations randomly etched into the fiber of the costumes. There's no individuality. They each have these plates or seams or whatever those lines are drawn onto their boots and their clothes. Back before costumes got such pointless detailing, a reader could just assume each hero wore whatever uniform he or she threw together. But with the silly detailing, now we start to wonder what the hell their never-tear threads are made out of. And they all seem to be made out of the same thing. Stiches on the shoulders, stiches on the biceps (which makes no sense, fashion-wise), and of course Wonder Woman's boobs magically never popping out in the middle of a fight.



I've since gone back to only reading off-brand, non superhero, character profile sorts of graphic novels--the kind made by indy misfits to show case their own interesting neuroses. Superheroes could be interesting characters, if the writers bothered to respect their more discerning readers. But it seems that DC doesn't want to hire those kind of writers.