Do You Ever Doubt Your Doubt? and other thoughts [View all]

[Heddi]

Last night went to see the in-laws about 2 hours away. Nice day, no stress. It was actually pretty awesome given the vast differences the 15ish of us have in religion, politics, etc.

On the drive back from Baltimore to Philly, Mr Heddi and I were listening to old podcasts of the Ted Radio Hour, this one in particular:

http://www.npr.org/2013/11/18/245949211/believers-and-doubters

I encourage everyone to listen to it. It was very interesting. parts of a TED talk from Billy Graham, Julia Sweeney, Allain De Botton and a few others.

One of the questions, I think it was to Julia Sweeney, was "Do you ever doubt your doubt" (they asked a similar question to the religionists as well).

And that got me thinking. I doubt my doubt all the time. Or at least there are so many times I wish that I could believe.

A few years ago, I got some devistating (and still devestating) health news. I posted in this very forum how I wished I could be comforted by the power of prayer. And I see people with this comfort of God and what religion offers, and there have been times that I was so envious of those who could feel something like that....a light in the darkness, a comforting hand in times of struggle. Something more than what your family or friends could offer. Something....greater.

I've tried to believe. I can't. To me, asking me to believe in God is like asking a Gay man to be heterosexual. It goes against the grain of my very being. It would be a game of pretend and lies if I tried to. I'd be going through the motion without anything real behind it. And then, what's the point?

I have thought the "what if I'm wrong...should I just hedge my bets, pick a God and start praying?" but that thought never goes further than that, again, because it would be lies. It would be just the same to say "should I hedge my bets, and start thinking I"m a mermaid?" because the end result would be the same: I'd be pretending to be something I'm not.

I would really be interested in anyone who heard the podcast, or anyone who's listened to it because of my posting. It's about an hour long, and I kind of hate that they played more of Billy Graham's TED talk than anyone elses, but whatever. Maybe they played more of his "I knew Jesus was either a liar, insane, or right. So no one told me that Jesus was crazy, or a liar, so therefore, he must be right! Tah-dah! Faith and belief are as simple as that. NOw send me some money" just to bookend what the Agnostiscs and Atheists that came after his speech would be talking about, for someone who was, I don't know, living under a rock and unfamiliar with the religious nonsense that gets spouted as "truth".

thoughts?

Happy T'day. I got to hear my 80 year old christian conservative half-deaf step-father-in-law say the word "twerking" last night, which made the drive worth it