Grief makes families do stupid stuff.

[localroger]

4. Shit like this is why my mother did not have a funeral.

She was cremated and her ashes scattered in private. My father held a celebration of life observance at his house a couple of months later, and the whole family, even those who disliked her, were invited. It actually worked out really well. It was not a "significant event" worth disrupting like a funeral, so nobody bothered.

Dad has made it clear that similar arrangements are already in place for him for the cremation and private scattering. I have the phone number of the funeral parlor that has the contract in case I should ever need it.

And on a similar note, my wife and I eloped after many years of living together. We really only got married for health insurance purposes and probably would still be "living in sin" if the ACA had passed a few years earlier. But we didn't want the families getting involved and so we let them find out after it was a done deal. Tens of thousands of dollars and hundreds of hours of angst avoided.