The Media Will Pick the Democratic Presidential Candidate

[Politicub]

9. They are going to make the primary a reality shitshow

And treat it like a horserace or roller derby:

Biden is in front now, BUT CAN HE KEEP THE LEAD???

Here comes Warren.... will she overtake Biden? SHE DID!!

But Warren better keep an eye on her rear-view mirror, BECAUSE Beto's on the stump with his FOOT ON THE GAS!

Oh no! Beto has crashed into Harris, giving BIDEN an opening. Here he comes, folks!!

Whose that in the bushes? Could it be? It is! SANDERS and his HYPE CREW are on the track! It looks like one of those mobile tourist bars where everyone pedals while they DRINK!

We've never had a primary like this on, Folks! I don't know if I can stand it!

Hold on... this just in... a glider has been spotted in the sky. IT'S INSLEE. He's sailing to the FRONT but, wait a moment,
has hit a POCKET OF GREENHOUSE GAS!

We're almost to Iowa. We still have our eye on Buttigieg and the other nominees... We'll interrupt your broadcast if anything...
HOLY JOE! BIDEN IS BACK!