what. the fuck. was that?

here’s what we were promised: a prime-time address to the nation, in which the President of the United States would soberly tout his achievements of the past year, and lay out his agenda for the future.

here’s what we got: some high-as-fuck shitwit, gibbering a mile a minute, gripping the podium for dear life, and barking out a non-stop barrage of obvious lies and nonsensical numbers.

Length: 0:22, closed captions available

“I negotiated directly with the drug companies, foreign nations, which were taking advantage of our country for many decades, to slash prices on drugs and pharmaceuticals by as much as four hundred, five hundred, and even six hundred percent. in other words, your drug costs will be plummeting downward.”

math, how does it work?

clearly, Donny and his handlers are in full panic mode. his approval numbers are in the shitter — so much so that even his own party is beginning to openly defy him. even Fox News can’t hide how toxic Donny’s become.

GREENVILLE, DELAWARE (The Borowitz Report)—Former President Joe Biden said on Wednesday that “he can’t wait” for Jake Tapper to publish a scathing book about Donald J. Trump’s glaring mental decline.

“Jake hasn’t announced that he’s working on a book like that, but I’ll bet you anything he is,” Biden said. “He’s the master of this genre.”

Given Trump’s innumerable episodes of slurred speech, incoherent ramblings, and daytime narcolepsy, Biden predicted that “Jake must be writing one helluva long book.”

“I was feeling kind of sorry for Trump when I pictured him reading Jake’s book,” the former president said. “But then I remembered that he can’t read.”

One of the great joys of publishing TBR is the time I spend each day in the comments section reading what you have to say. Last week, this comment from a subscriber named Patricia got my attention:

“Exciting day for old ladies, I was arrested in front of the ICE building in Portland Oregon. The charge was obstructing access to a federal facility. Great optics a 75 year old white woman, 5’2”, 120 lbs., being dragged off by armed DHS officers. I was handcuffed and held for almost an hour. Being a nasty woman, instead of cringing and crying, I made fun of them and bragged about my history as a serial murderer and how being arrested and handcuffed ticked off another bucket list item for me. We have it all on video, can’t wait to show it to the judge.”

If this is the first you’re hearing of this incident, there’s a good reason: the corporate media refused to cover it. So I decided to share Patricia’s story.

I posted Patricia’s comment on Facebook and it immediately went viral, reaching over half a million people in a matter of hours. Patricia’s defiance of Kristi Noem’s lackeys drew overwhelming praise from Facebook commenters.

I contacted Patricia and she generously offered to answer a few questions—and shared this video of her arrest:

Screenshot [please view view the video on the OP link]:

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—After decades of anticipation, on Monday congressional Republicans finally unveiled their healthcare plan, urging all Americans who seek coverage to move to Canada.

“Under this plan, the American people will gain full access to the doctors, hospitals, and medications they deserve,” House Speaker Mike Johnson declared. “They just need to wear lots of layers.”

The proposal drew widespread support from Americans, a majority asserting that they had already considered implementing such a plan since January of this year.

But it sparked a strong pushback from Canadians, who called on Prime Minister Mark Carney to build a wall.