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Member since: Sat Apr 2, 2005, 03:11 PM
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If Trump's Campaign Were A Curb Your Enthusiasm Episode:

This episode would be called "Stairs And Ramps".

Scene 1: Trump goes to rally, tries to climb up ramp, needs assistance.

Scene 2: He goes to get sympathy from Suzie and Jeff, but Suzie winds up yelling at him:

Scene 3: Trump attempts to explain himself

Scene 4: Gets advice from Leon:

Scene 5: Trump goes in front of live audience, attempts to get public sympathy

Scene 6: Jeff gets really pissed off and annoyed at him:

Scene 7: Suzie yells at him further and tells him how much she hates him:

Final Scene: Trump is walking down a ramp, stumbles


Cue credits:

Donald J. Trump - the sitcom president.

The 45th president of the United States, Donald Trump, is a sitcom character. That's all he is. He's no different than your average Homer Simpson or Peter Griffin. Let's extrapolate on this for a minute.

He's a large, overweight, semi-balding oafish doofus who lacks reading comprehension beyond a 4th grade level. He spends all day, every day in front of the TV. He wears the same suit every day and is always trying to cover up the fact that he has very little to no hair. He only occasionally emerges from his TV induced stupor to indulge in all of his favorite vices. Which happen to be tweeting, golfing, fast food, and the occasional MAGA rally. And when he does that, he's almost certainly guaranteed to embarrass himself - both publicly and personally. When he does that, he usually walks away and lets someone else fix it.

Now let's look at the family aspect of this dynamic. He has a hot trophy wife who hates his guts and is somehow still inexplicably married to him despite all of his failures. He has a hot daughter who gets away with everything. He also has the daughter who he treats like garbage (think Lisa or Meg). He has a son who is mysteriously neither seen nor heard, much like a graduate of the revered Milford Academy from Arrested Development. He has two other sons who constantly get in trouble and embarrass themselves in their own ways.

Need more proof that he's a sitcom character? Look at his friends, or the people who he considers friends. There's Sean Hannity, the angry asshole and yes man who will always convince the leader that his schemes are a good idea. Or Mike Pence, the guy who thinks the schemes are a bad idea but goes along with them anyway. And then there's Rudy Giuliani and Roger Stone, the creepy next door neighbors. And their scheming collaborators Julian Assange, Jeannie Pirro, Laura Ingraham, Sebastian Gorka, and Steve Bannon. Who are people who the wife tells you should never, under any circumstances listen to, but you do anyways. And every time you do, you always get into trouble.

Trump is the character who's never had a steady job in his whole life and is constantly looking for the next get rich quick scheme and the easy way out when said get rich quick scheme fails. All of his ventures have been fails. He's the kind of guy who would buy his own slaughterhouse because he wasn't getting quality meat products. Or would start his own airline because he had bad service on a flight. Or would start his own vodka brand to get his own high quality cocktails because, reasons. And when those things fail, he moves onto the next wacky adventure.

Which brings us to our latest episode. People are dying from his latest fuck up. And he's attempting to weasel his way out of this by offering another get rich quick scheme. But it's not working and this won't be resolved in half an hour. This is sweeps week where the simple half hour will turn into a two or three part episode. He's attempted to weasel his way out of this by hawking something dangerous and unproven, which has backfired in his face big time.

Trump thinks he can weasel his way out of this and we'll be back to normal by next week's wacky adventure. But he can't weasel his way out of this one by hawking dangerous cures. This is one colossal fuck up that will last the whole season or not. It's not going to end with a lecture on the evils of modern society and a kiss from mommy. It will probably result in the end of this series. Which can't come soon enough. And he definitely won't be going out on a high note. It won't end the way he thinks it's going to end.

Even in the Simpsons Movie, Homer realized how bad his fuck up was, and how it was eventually going to cost the lives of everyone he thought he cared about, and set out to right the wrong that he wrought on society. Trump on the other hand, doesn't have that kind of integrity. He's leaving us to our own devices and we will all suffer from it. But onto next week's episode!

Foreign countries warn citizens about traveling to the US because of mass shootings

Source: USA Today

Foreign countries are issuing warnings to their citizens about traveling to the United States after a weekend of violence left 31 people dead in two separate mass shootings this weekend.

The Venezuelan government issued a statement urging its citizens to postpone trips to the U.S. after the “recent acts of violence.”

The press release advises that Venezuelans stay away from cities that have the most violence citing a 2019 Forbes article that lists the most dangerous cities in the U.S. These cities were Cleveland; Detroit; Baltimore; St. Louis; Oakland, California; Memphis, Tennessee; Birmingham, Alabama; Atlanta, Stockton, California; and Buffalo, New York.

Also in Latin America, the Uruguayan government issued a similar release that urges its citizens to take precaution when visiting the U.S. because of its “increasing indiscriminate violence” and hate crimes fueled by “racism and discrimination that cost the lives of more than 250 people in the first seven months of this year.”

The Uruguayan notice specifically advises to avoid places that have a large concentration of people such as theme parks, malls, art festivals, religious activities, food festivals, sports events and mass protests.

Read more: https://www.usatoday.com/story/travel/news/2019/08/06/mass-shootings-force-foreign-countries-issue-us-travel-warnings/1930215001/

Great, the US has officially reached shithole status. Thanks Trump, the GOP, and the NRA.

Self Own Of The Day?


I personally will never get tired of seeing conservatives complain about how social media won't hear their racist and sexist crap.

4Chan Users, 'Incels' Extol Reports of Teenage Girl's Death

Police are investigating a death in Utica, New York, of a teenage girl who was killed by a young man who posted graphic violent images of her body on social media sites. Users in far-right corners of the internet are hailing the killing, further demonstrating the proclivity for violent extremist acts among the participants in those digital enclaves.

The Observer-Dispatch, a Utica newspaper, reported yesterday that Utica police were investigating a death with some details that matched unverified claims that had been shared online about the killing of the teenager identified as Bianca Devins, an aspiring social-media influencer and model. WKTV confirmed today that the victim in question was Devins. NBC New York reports that the death is still being investigated, “appears to have involved an image posted to Instagram” and that police plan to meet with Devins’ family today. Soon after the story broke, the hashtag “#ripbianca” trended on Twitter.

The alleged killer posted graphic images to Instagram showing the teenage girl with her neck slashed, and one of himself with a wound suggesting that he had slit his own throat. (Right Wing Watch reviewed these images and the Instagram account from which they came, but will not be publishing the graphic images in question.) Despite early reports that Devins connected with her killer online, Heavy reports that Devin’s sister “says the suspect was a family friend” and BuzzFeed News reports that Utica police said that “the couple had just attended a concert together and were in a relationship.”

On 4chan and 8chan, users shared graphic images of the homicide and lauded the killer for his actions. On 4chan’s “r9k” board, where discontented young men gather to deride women for their appearances and share their loathing for society, some users argued that the killing was justified; others went as far as to celebrate it. On incel forums online, similar sentiments were shared. Incel communities online exist as places where young men convince each other that they have a right to expect sex from women and encourage each other to adopt extreme and violent misogyny as a response to their failures.

How is 4chan not on a terrorist watch list yet? I think that this would cross that line.

Last Week Tonight: Warehouses

Holy crap, how do their employees not rise up and burn the place down?

Trump administration to cancel $929 million in California high-speed rail funding

The fate of California’s high-speed rail project was cast into further doubt Tuesday when the federal government announced plans to cancel $929 million in grant funds, a move U.S. officials linked to violations of the grant agreement but some view as political payback.

The action marks an escalation in the battle between President Trump and the state of California since Gov. Gavin Newsom said last week that the project lacked a path to complete a statewide system and vowed to scale back the $77-billion mega-project.

The Transportation Department also said it was “actively exploring every legal option” to get back an additional $2.5-billion grant that is being used to finance the construction of 119 miles of rail line in the Central Valley.

The two federal grants represent about one-fourth of all the funding for the project to date — money critical to completing the Central Valley portion and finishing environmental reviews for other segments between San Francisco and Los Angeles. If the funds are lost or tied up in a long legal battle, the state would probably have to either make up the money elsewhere or further curtail the project.

Newsom on Tuesday vowed to block the move, arguing that it was political payback by the Trump administration.

What a dick. He really has it in for my state. Fuck him.

Dick Cheney's longtime cardiologist accuses Trump White House of 'hiding' his medical data

Jonathan Reiner, the longtime cardiologist of former Vice President Dick Cheney, sounded the alarm bells on the Trump White House refusing so far to release any medical data from President Donald Trump’s physical examination that took place last week.

Taking to Twitter, Reiner writes that, “it’s been four days since the president underwent his annual physical exam and still no data has been released.”

He then asks, “What are they hiding?”

Last Friday, presidential physician Dr. Sean Conley announced that Trump was “in very good health” while also projecting that “he will remain so for the duration of his presidency, and beyond.”

However, no other information or data about the results of the examination has been released, which is a contrast to the president’s first annual exam that offered some details about Trump’s cardiac health, blood pressure and mental acuity.

Dr. Ronny Jackson, who at the time served as Trump’s physician, said the president was in excellent health but could stand to lose some weight. Overall, the president was listed at 239 pounds, or exactly one pound below the obesity level for a man of his height.

Seriously, I'm a large guy and I call bullshit on Trump's weight. There's no way in hell that he weighs 240. Especially with his constant diet of McDonalds and KFC, he's got to weigh 300 minimum.

Also, for some reason, this article was accompanied by a video of the "Most popular pizza toppings in the US."

SNL: How To Explain Blackface

This! So much this!


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