December 19, 2012

The Megyn

Once upon that midnight fated, 
While I surveyed, satisfied and sated, 
Polling monographs obscure but intriguing,
Statistics unknown theretofore.
While I plotted, resolve undaunted, 
Suddenly, there came a visitor unwanted,
And to this day I am haunted, 
By the way she taunted, 
Taunted from my chamber door, 
"Is this just math you do as a Republican, 
'Or is this real" she implored.


So succinctly I remember,
It was in that bleak November.
I, and hosts who couldn't engender
An evolved polity were seen no more.
An acceptance of demographics, 
Requiring oratorical acrobatics, 
And a purge of religious fanatics, 
Banishing Romney, Ryan, and reason
For the remainder of this,
or any season,
And all unnamed here for evermore.


That public pulling back by your person,
Of our Mephistophelean right wing curtain,
Chilled me - filled me with a paranoid shiver anyone would abhor.
Yes Hillary, there is a vast conspiracy, 
And in all sincerity,
From the time I portrayed an Arkansas trooper, 
with guile and temerity,
Bill was my agent provocateur 
Until his cover was blown on the Oval Office floor.

In that void flowed a new contextualism, 
reconfigured as neo-conservatism,
A policy of compassionate corporate colonialism 
on foreign shore.
Within our nation building, 
With its glimmering golden gilding,
Reposed horrors of extraordinary rendition 
in its dungeon hiding 
A moral schism neither questioned nor explored,
And will not be now or evermore.


At every junction 
for twenty years without compunction,
I performed his executive function, 
Transforming his countenance to Presidential,
From that alcoholic ne'er-do-well of yore.
But there comes the day, 
all the blood is leeched away,
And the parasite from its host must stay.
I sought out wealthy but dullard fellows, 
Promising I would be their bellows,
Bellows for the coming inferno 
which would consume Obama for evermore.


Separated from my symbiont 
but seeking knowledge,
I made my annual CPAC pilgrimage, 
My naked ambition not incongruent 
With the bible and American Flag I wore.
For the mere cost of an insider trade, 
This promise Justices Roberts and Thomas made; 
"You will be brazenly delighted
And personally most farsighted
Should you emulate Citizens United
When the next election cycle comes to the fore."

I approached the next crossroads
With care and cunning
As both my profit and prestige 
were potentially stunning
Only needing to convince the marks 
that I could fix the score.
But I could peer into those hearts, 
Those vapid black holes, 
And tell the story any harks, 
ours being kindred souls,
Removing liberal bias for those sharks,  unskewing the polls.
Pretending it is only that, and nothing more.


Don't take me as a common grifter 
None separates the funds any swifter 
From the free market trader
To the serial tax evader,
Their contributions gushingly outpour.
Those conservative captains of commerce and industry,
Rewarded the gallantry of my attacking, 
Hacking with neither quarter given nor guile lacking,
In battles won now and forever more.

My henchmen at the ready, when, an
Anonymous warning made them unsteady.
Tho no real threat could I discern, 
The fear in my men had my concern,
 which I could not ignore.
If we repeat our cybergate
In at least three swing states
It will seal mine and our nation's fate.
I told my men that planes can fall from the sky,
Brakes can fail and you'll never know why.
Only that, and nothing more.

The election drawing near, 
The loyalty bought with fear
Coalesces in the hearts of 
Pawns and proctor, and the patrons
To which we swore.
No good outcome do I foresee,
Should I stay or should I flee,
Oh God,  what  will become of me, 
Will I die or will I be, will I finish this damned soliloquy, now or evermore.

Unfinished

December 17, 2012

One Percenta Claus

Congress  better watch out 
Congress better not cry 
Congress better not pout 
I'm telling you why 
One Percenta Claus is coming to town
One Percenta Claus is coming to town
One Percenta Claus is coming to town

He's making a list, 
Checking it twice; 
Gonna find out who've been obedient little mice
One Percenta Claus is coming to town
One Percenta Claus is coming to town
One Percenta  Claus is coming to town

He sees you which way you're voting 
He knows when you make a mistake
He knows if you lean  left or right
So be conservative for Grover's  sake 

You'll get  a big fat check or a kick in the  rump
Don't be a train wreck and get the bump
One Percenta Claus is coming to town 
One Percenta Claus is coming to town 
One Percenta Claus is coming to town 

He sees you which way you're voting 
He knows when you make a mistake
He knows if you lean  left or right
So be conservative for Grover's  sake 

Congress better watch out 
Congress better not cry 
Congress better not pout 
I'm telling you why 
One Percenta Claus is coming to town 
One Percenta Claus is coming to town 
One Percenta Claus is coming
One Percenta Claus is coming
One Percenta Claus is coming to town 

(Coming to town)
One Persenta's a busy man he has no time to play
He's got millions in graft to spread on Christmas day
(One Percenta Claus is coming to town)
(Coming to town)
(One Percenta Claus is coming to town)
(Coming to town)

December 6, 2012

Corporations ain't People

To the tune of
Money for Nothing
Dire Straits

 Now look at them yo-yo's that's the way you do it
You play the analyst on Fox TV
That ain't ' workin'  that's the way you do it
Corporations ain't people 
And money ain't speech

Now that ain't workin' that's the way you do it
Lemme tell ya them guys ain't dumb
Maybe get a diamond for your little finger
Maybe get stupid donors under your thumb

We gotta shake hands and knock on doors
50 state strategy
We gotta register new voters
We gotta get them  picture ID's

See the smart ass with the comb over and the makeup
Yeah buddy that's his own hair
That little smart ass got his own jet airplane
That little smart ass he's a billionaire

We gotta shake hands and knock on doors
50 state strategy
We gotta register new voters
We gotta get them picture ID's

I shoulda learned to play the con
I shoulda learned to play them marks
Look at that mama, she got it stickin' in the camera
Man we could have some fun
And he's up there, what's that?
 Obamacare  and free stuff?
Bangin' on Benghazi like a set of bongos
That ain't workin' that's the way you do it
Corporations ain't people
And money ain't speech

We gotta shake hands and knock on doors
50 state strategy
We gotta register new voters
We gotta get them picture ID's,
Lord

Now that ain't workin' that's the way you do it
You play the analyst on Fox TV
That ain't workin' that's the way you do it
Corporations ain't people
And money ain't speech
Corporations ain't people
And money ain't speech

November 19, 2012

Ballad of John Boehner

The Ballad Of John Boehner

Come and listen to a story about a man named John
A poor bartender, barely kept his family fed, 
Then one day he was pourin'
a little drink
When in through the door came Newt with a wink

Spoils he promised
Insider trading
No more  Long Island Teas

Well the first thing you know ol John's  a millionaire, 
Kinfolk said  John, can you help us out over here
John said,  I gotta get away and find a new place
So he loaded up the truck and moved to Chevy Chase

Capital Hill, that is
Swimmin' pools 
No green fees

Well now it's time to say good by to John and all his kin.
Cantor and the Tea Party have all been droppin' in
Eric and and his gang have been persuasive fellers
If John doesn't follow orders they
make  him watch "Old Yeller"

November 19, 2012

"The Megyn"

The Megyn"

Once upon that midnight fated, 
While I surveyed, satisfied and sated, 
Polling monographs obscure but intriguing, 
Statistics unknown theretofore.
While I plotted, resolve undaunted, 
Suddenly, there came a visitor unwanted,
And to this day I am haunted, 
By the way she taunted, 
Taunted from my chamber door, 
"Is this just math you do as a Republican, 
'Or is this real" she implored

So succinctly I remember it was in 
that bleak November
I, and hosts who couldn't engender
An evolved polity were seen no more.
An acceptance of demographics, 
Requiring oratorical acrobatics, 
And a purge of religious fanatics
Banishing Romney, Ryan, and reason
For the remainder of this or 
any season,
And all unnamed here for evermore

November 10, 2012

Mitch McConnell (rockin' robin)

He plots in the back rooms all day long
Lyin' and abribin' senators to go along
All the crooked lobbyists on K Street
Love to hear Mitch go cheat cheat cheat

Mitch MCConnell, cheat cheat cheat
Mitch McDonnell, cheat cheatly cheat
Go Mitch McConnell
'Cause we're gonna filibuster tonight

Every stock holder in  listening range, 
Every little  broker in the stock exchange
The board of directors and the CEO
Struttin' their stuff sayin' go Mitch go

Mitch McConnell, cheat cheat cheat
Mitch McConnel, cheat cheatly cheat
Go Mitch McConnell
'Cause we're gonna fillibuster tonight

President Obama at the bargain stand
Told Mitch where to shove it, and it was grand
President said get ready, and bless my soul
Bent Mitch over and shoved John Boehner up his glory hole

Mitch McConnell, cheat cheat cheat
Mitch McConnell, cheat cheatly cheat
Go Mitch McConnell
'Cause we're gonna filliibuster tonight

November 8, 2012

Karl, Karl, Karl

Karl, Karl, Karl, we hate to see you snarl
Are you still a pal of mine?  Meghan and Kraut didn't mean to malign.  Come out of denial old buddy Karl.

Karl, Karl, Karl, your fingernails are all  gnarled.  I know this is such bad news.  We understand you have the blues.  Snap out of this old buddy Karl.

Karl, Karl, Karl, you cry just like a girl.   Crossroads GPS is in the red.  First W, now Mitt is  dead.  How is retirement looking old buddy Karl?

Karl, Karl, Karl, you're  nutty as a squirrel.  Mitt won't come back from this beat down .   You're beginning to act like a clown.  Get the camera off that hasbeen Karl.


________\

November 3, 2012

# 1? Or a least a top ten hit!

"By the Time I Get To 270"

By the time I get to 100
she'll be lying
The real notes she'll let fall to the floor
She'll laugh when she reads the part that says I'm leading
Though I've proved that girl wrong so many times before

By the time I get to 200 she'll be smirking
She'll chat with Sarah Palin and give Rove a call
But she'll just hear that phone keep on ringing
Karl tore it off the wall that's all

By the time I get to 270 the California polls have yet to close
Her voice will will crack as she tries to announce it
As she realizes she's never seen past her nose
But by tomorrow morning she'll have regained her glow
Because she knows she can blame it all on Mitt

November 2, 2012

Me and Chris Down By the Jersey Shore

Mitt rolled out the Libya surprise at midnight
Obama shut down free speech was his accusation 
When Darrell Issa found  out he began to shout 
And he started the investigation 

It's against the law 
It was against the law 
What the Mittens saw 
It was against the law 

Then Issa looked  down and spit on the ground 
Every time Barry's name gets mentioned
Jim Dement said oy if I get that boy 
I'm gonna break him like he's on a plantation

Mitt's Sandy relief truck is on it's way 
He don't know where it's going 
It's on it's way but he's taking his time 
Got to take more pictures
Here in Ohio
New York is sunk, 
But this is a swing state

Sean and Rush can hardly miss
Seeing Barry and Chris
Down by the Jersey Shore
Seeing  Michael, Barry And Chris
Workin it out on the Jersey Shore

In a couple of days they come and 
Take Mitt away 
But the press let the story leak 
Seems the Romneys have  long been dead
And been replaced instead by a family of Zomneys

Even  Ann was snared 
She couldn't be spared
Even though she looks unhurt
she'll spend eternity in a thousand $ t-shirt
Goodbye  Annie, no more FLOTUS
Seeing Barry and Chris down on the Jersey Shore

November 2, 2012

59th Street Bridge Song

Mr President , whatcha  knowin'
I've come to watch your power flowin'
The hurricane kicked up the cobblestones
We're a little bit needy and feeling' soupy

Ba da, ba da,  ba da, ba da...feelin soupy

"I've got deeds to do
And promises to keep
I'm dappled and drowsy and ready to sleep
But you and Christie will get Washington's best
I'm here to give you a FEMA life vest
Life,  I love you
All is groovy"