barbtries
barbtries's JournalMy kids wonder why I get so emotional over all this shit.
They want me to be serene at this moment in history, and I cannot manage that.
But as I always tell them, you need to know it's not about me. It's about you, and your children and your grandchildren and their grandchildren. I'm already old, I'll be 69 next month. I'll be dead and gone and you will be the ones trying to have a decent life in a fascist dictatorship.
Unless we win. I've been crying on and off since yesterday. The day before yesterday I cycled through all of the stages of grief it seemed in about 6 hours' time. Since then, there is renewed hope. I don't even know if serenity is attainable for me before or after the election but I believe we will win it.
Republicans have no bottom, so it's predictable that when they lose a lot of hell will break out. I knew when TCFSF won in 2016 that it would be a shit show but it turned out to be much worse than I anticipated. Nothing held. So I have hope. I'm not whistling. And it is not about me.
23 years ago today
Bekah was killed, walking across the street at the same time an angry drunk was speeding down the road. the driver swerved into the wrong side of the road to pick her up, drag her about the length of a football field away from her shoes that flew off her feet, and drop her mortally wounded in the middle of the street, where she bled out. Then her killer drove on home. No skid marks.
i thought i was doing better this year than at others, and to be honest, I think much of my frustration and angst on this particular day is not about Bekah. It's more about the dark conspiracies about money and governance and what matters. it's about the plumber not making it for the 2nd day in a row and that water came into my house yesterday and we're in the middle of another severe thunderstorm. Mostly, it's about republicans and how they are destroying the country and democracy. even today, a day I traditionally give over to Bekah's memory.
"I'm mad at my country, now I've been treated bad." Laura Nyro
https://www.lapdonline.org/newsroom/hit-and-run-suspect-captured/
Is this just human nature?
is the path to ruin inexorable and etched into our DNA?
Why is this happening?! Why suddenly are all these Democrats, people I believed in, seemingly willing to ignore the will of the people and throw the election to the fascists?
I can only spend a few moments a day pondering this shit. It's playing havoc with my peace of mind. I have a life I'm trying to improve but this is not the way!
It's gets harder daily to imagine this ending well. Those who forget history are doomed to repeat it; those who learn history are doomed to fret.
Just wanted to share my frustration. I may take a klonopin today. There are other stressors working on me, including the 23rd anniversary of Bekah's death in 2 days. Plumber tomorrow; it either goes well and the problem is fixed and covered by my HomeServe plan, or it's under the house and I could be looking at a bill in the thousands of dollars that I essentially do not have (I have the credit, and I have a son who is a plumber, so it will get done either way. Just saying it's just another little bump in the road of Anxiety).
One thing I have known and relied on all along is the certain knowledge that there are more of US than there are of THEM. These fucking turncoat Democrats are shredding any certainty I may have felt, and threatening my hope for success in November.
fuck those motherfuckers
Is Donald Trump Just a Wannabe Mob Boss?
My great nephew Josh is my political soul mate among members of my family, many of whom are right wing racist republicans. I'm proud of this guy.
if you check it out he's just starting his channel so a subscribe, like and comment would be so good. thank y'all
Has anyone else watched the Great Lillian Hall yet?
I just did and I am blown away by Jessica Lange's performance in this. My sister has dementia, and Lange's physical acting reminded me of my sister so much I was in tears by the end.
is there still an ask the admins forum?
i have an idea or a thought to share regarding jury service. thank you
I've been on a zoom for 2 hours
at the county of Durham's convention. it is being held live but there was this remote option and I took it, because I'm still and perhaps from now on a bit of a recluse since the pandemic.
And I'm sitting here not really feeling it. I'm tired of these pep rallies where the whole message seems to be we didn't do enough. We must do more. It's our fault people don't vote. It's our fault republicans win. I'm not accepting the guilt. Suddenly I think I kind of get why people check out on politics. I'm sick of the dread of what's coming down the pike because of republicans. I hate canvassing, and don't think I'm good at it. I've phone banked with 0% success. I get so many texts every day that I block and delete automatically, so I'm not going to start texting for the democratic party in NC. I'm not about subjecting others to something I really detest for myself.
I'll write post cards. I will probably take opportunities to register voters. I've already started conversations with my neighbors. It's not enough. In a state like NC it feels like it will never be enough. I'm not accepting the guilt, but I am really tired of the dread and the fear and the near despair that being politically engaged at this moment in history comes with.
Here in NC the republicans have done plenty, all in bad faith, to ensure their supermajority in the general assembly. They're running a Qanon nutcase who has advocated for the assassination of Presidents Obama and Biden.
[link:https://www.wral.com/story/gop-nominee-to-run-north-carolina-public-schools-called-for-violence-against-democrats-including-executing-obama-and-biden/21329633/]
They're running a magat for governor whose goal is to end abortion in this state. https://cardinalpine.com/2024/02/15/audio-mark-robinsons-endgame-is-a-total-abortion-ban-starting-with-a-6-week-ban/
the dilemma for me is I can't turn it off. the stakes are too high. Millions of oblivious Americans do not even have a clue. A lot of them vote, but it's just an afterthought. Here in NC all they need to know is the letter after the name. these people could win. I've been engaged politically to one degree or another all my life; mostly just being a person who pays attention. There's no unringing that bell or putting that horse back into the barn.
So I applied to be an election worker. I will look for opportunities to register people to vote. And I'll be scared, pissed, and courting despair from here until November if not beyond.
/rant off
I found the talk I referenced in a post yesterday!
here's the thread: https://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=view_post&forum=1002&pid=18490089
His name came to me. Jeffery Robinson. This may not be the exact talk I listened to, but I did play some of it and within the first minute there was the phrase "the South lost the war and won the peace" - either way worth the listen.
ETA: His name is Jeffery Robinson. That's right. Just watched "Who We Are" on Netflix. how i missed it until now is anyone's guess
https://www.netflix.com/search?q=who%20we%20are%2B&jbv=81488493
i don't know if this is a comment about the police, or about me.
ETA: my front doorbell is broken, possibly from a severe thunderstorm recently. The police were very nice, professional, and had made efforts to let me know they were there before they went to the back door, which is where we met up. I apologize if my account was incomplete!
Context: i live in a townhouse. Living room, kitchen, hall, 1/2 bath downstairs, 3 bedrooms and 2 baths upstairs. I spend most of my time in my bedroom with my little chihuahua, which is what i was doing earlier today. Had just gotten off the phone with my oldest son and was planning to take some video of the flooding downstairs to send to him (Durham NC, we had thunderstorms throughout most of the day today).
So the dogs are barking like crazy, which is not terribly unusual. My older dog, Charlie is reactive and she'll stand at the patio door and bark at people half a block away. The other dog, my personal companion, Chai is barking because Charlie's barking and so what.
As I am going from my room to the office, the barking continues and I swear I hear the voice. of a human. I am the only human here, my middle son is at work...so I go on down the stairs calling out, "Who's there?" and as I enter the living room, I observe 2 uniformed police officers entering my home. WHAT
Charlie's still there screeching her head off and the second thing the officer says to me, can you take care of your dog. So I pick her up and fortunately she's literally all bark and no bite, but here's the thing and I almost cried later on when I was telling my youngest son about this episode.
They could have killed her. They could have panicked and pulled out a gun and shot my dog to death. Happens all the time right? I mean this is my thought.
Anyhow, long story short, an alarm had sounded, they had the wrong address, they were very nice, and they did not shoot my dog. but FUCK. why is that the biggest takeaway here? Is it me, or is it the police?
I'm chopping up the decades now.
It's my 68th birthday, so now I'm in my late 60's. Yesterday, I was in my mid 60's.
time keeps marching on.
ETA: so I had my annual lung cancer screening and was away from the computer, and THANK YOU all!!
results already came back. in spite of my dread lifestyle choice to smoke cigarettes, it appears I'll be around for the next scan at least, at least on the lung part.
Profile Information
Gender: FemaleHometown: CA
Home country: USA
Current location: NC
Member since: Wed Aug 17, 2005, 02:29 AM
Number of posts: 29,044