Today my heart is shattered. I read the news from the Middle East and feel sick, angry, and helpless when I contemplate the senseless and barbaric massacre perpetrated by [ HAMAS / ISRAEL ] against innocent [ ISRAELIS / PALESTINIANS ].

As heartbreaking as it has been to view the images of dead and injured, the destroyed neighborhoods, grieving families and displaced people in the aftermath of the inexcusable [ ISRAELI BOMBING / HAMAS MASSACRE ] it has been equally appalling to discover that so many of my friends and colleagues – people I know and respect – are actually justifying the actions of [ ISRAEL / HAMAS ] while downplaying the outrageous atrocities committed by [ HAMAS / ISRAEL ].

Don’t they understand the simple, incontestable facts: That the [ JEWS / ARABS ] have lived on this land for generations and are not going anywhere? That [ ISRAELIS / PALESTINIANS ] have the right to...

Thank you all for joining me in our family’s idling minivan for what I hope will be a fruitful and mutually-respectful discussion of the many challenges we are currently facing here inside our closed garage.

First, as you all know, I’ve recently lost my job. That’s put a strain on the family budget. Second — your mother — my wife — has admitted to an affair with her meditation guru. She’ll be filling you all in on that situation and proposing a path forward. In addition, we’ve found drugs in Beth’s room, Denise is getting straight C-minuses, and Daniel refuses to pick up his Legos. Finally, the exhaust from our minivan is rapidly filling this closed garage with carbon monoxide, a deadly gas. So there’s a lot on our collective plate.

I’d like to begin with the situation regarding my job. Clearly the sudden loss of income is having a major impact on our ability to…. Yes, Denise?

OK, honey, we get it. You’re saying that the issue of the rising CO1 levels in our closed garage is very important to you. And we appreciate that you’re passionate about it. Try to remember that everyone in this minivan has issues that we care about and think are very important. They can’t all be first, so let’s take them one at a time, OK, sweet pea? Good.

“If we combine forces now, we can avert climate catastrophe.” UN Secretary-General António Guterres
“You can't do it where you’re killing jobs.” Florida Governor Rick Scott

My Fellow Citizens of Alderaan:

As you’re doubtless aware, the Galactic Empire has completed construction of its new Orbital Battle Station, or as the doom-and-gloom left prefers to call it, the “Death Star.” These professional alarmists insist that unless we take action immediately to destroy this station, the very fate of our planet may be at stake! In fact, we do not know the Empire’s plans for their new space weapon. But one thing we do know: If these anti-Imperial zealots get their way, thousands of ordinary Alderaanians will lose their jobs.

Article Continues: [link:https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2021/8/18/2046754/-BLOWING-UP-THE-DEATH-STAR-WILL-COST-ALDERAAN-JOBS|

Dear Republicans:

I know that you are unhappy with us right now. You suspect that we must naturally feel a sense of smug superiority, perhaps even a surge of sanctimonious glee at having been right about literally everything. I want to assure you that nothing could be farther from the truth. It gives us no pleasure at all to have been proven right about all the many things we have been trying to tell you over and over for all this time.

Naturally, you might suspect, now that more than half a million Americans have died preventable deaths as a result of your wrongness about the importance of masking and social distancing, and then your subsequent wrongness about the safety and efficacy of vaccines, that we would be inclined to really rub it in your faces. “Ha, ha,” you might think we would say. “We told you all those people would die tragically and unnecessarily!” But that is not what is in our hearts. Our decision to trust medical professionals and public health experts turned out to be right, whereas your decision to just do whatever you wanted did not pan out. We’re not going to play the “blame game.”

Similarly, it brings us no satisfaction to see the incontestable evidence that we were right about climate change: the wildfires raging, the deepening drought, the flooding, the heat waves, the Cat 5 hurricanes. Our decision to heed the warnings of every climate scientist in the world for the last forty years turned out to be the correct one. Had it instead been the case that the entire scientific community was wrong and whatever you read on the internet was right, we would have admitted our mistake – graciously and with relief. We’re not going to get all self-righteous about the rapidly-unfolding catastrophe.

True, Back in 2016, we were able to predict that a megalomaniacal, xenophobic, misogynistic, nepotistic con-man might not be a great choice for President -- and you were not. Hindsight is 20/20, as they say, and it was entirely possible that this man who had never demonstrated any ability to grow or change might have grown and changed. Sadly, that did not occur. Then in 2020, we were able to correctly ascertain that this irredeemable dumpster fire lost a free, fair, and accurately counted election to a well-qualified and moderate opponent -- whereas you wrongly concluded that the results must have been tainted by fraud or conspiracy since, as you incorrectly knew, Biden is a big old Commie.

LINK TO FULL ARTICLE:

[link:https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2021/8/6/2044201/-It-Gives-Us-No-Pleasure-To-Have-Been-Right-About-Everything|

Oh, rich, white men. You unfathomable idiots. You could have had it all!

There you were back in 2008, freshly bailed out after almost totaling the economy with your criminal greed, with not a single one of you headed to prison for it. While working class incomes stagnated, health costs soared, and the young staggered under the weight of student loans, you and your fellow plutocrats sat smugly atop a mountain of accumulated wealth, courtesy of an economy structured for your benefit by legislators beholden to your largesse.

Yes, you were sitting pretty. And all you had to do to keep it that way was to not wage a racist, scorched-earth war against the first Black President of the United States. That’s all! That is the only thing you dumb, stupid idiots had to do: swallow your pride, smile, shake hands, and play nice with one of the most charismatic, inspiring, intelligent and genuinely moral politicians in American history.

Barack Obama didn’t want to ruin you, you dumbasses! He wasn’t out to confiscate your estates, kill your grandmas, and force you into re-education camps! All he wanted was a more humane, less cruel, less racist version of the system that made you rich. You should have wanted that too! Not because you care about other people -- for your own good! But you were too stupid.

What would it have cost you? A moderate tax hike? More oversight from nosy bureaucrats? Some limits on your environmental depredations and exploitation of workers? Maybe a few more women and people of color showing up at the Executive Retreat? And in return, millions of your fellow citizens would have health coverage, a living wage, affordable education and child care, clean air and water, some disposable income and free time – in short, a stake in the system.

You should have seen how providing these things served your interests, you imbeciles! How a more economically secure working and middle class would be less likely to question the legitimacy of the system! How living in a society where people are happier because they aren’t beset on all sides by financial and physical insecurity would be more pleasant for you, too! But most of all, how unbelievably, brain-meltingly stupid it would be to actually burn down a system constructed by rich white guys for rich white guys – just because you can’t stand being told what’s good for you by a confident, competent, superior Black man.

...continued at the link below

[link:https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2020/6/24/1955651/-The-Unfathomable-Stupidity-of-Rich-White-Men#view-story|