NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—Graduates of Trump University are incensed that they were never taught that defrauding banks was a crucial strategy to building a real-estate empire, the grads have confirmed.

In interviews with Trump U. alumni, the former students expressed shock and dismay that such an important entrepreneurial skill was somehow omitted from the school’s curriculum.

“If I had learned to defraud banks, my post-Trump University career would have played out very differently,” Tracy Klugian, class of 2006, said. “As it is, I’ve gone bankrupt four times."

Carol Foyler, ’08, said that, given the school’s failure to teach the fundamentals of asset overvaluation and bank swindling, her Trump University diploma “isn’t worth the Staples printer paper it was printed on.”

Rupert Murdoch may have technically stepped back from running the media empire he built over many decades, but don’t be fooled by his new title of chairman “emeritus” of News Corp and Fox – an honorary title typically retained after retirement from academia – he will still be calling the shots.

Rupert made that clear with the statement that he will continue to “be involved every day in the contest of ideas” despite – technically – retiring from the board of both companies. What the announcement does do is embed his chosen heir, Lachlan Murdoch, as the undisputed successor.

Murdoch’s control of the super shares that dominate voting rights at both Fox and News Corp gives the family about 40 per cent of votes despite owning just 14 per cent of each.

Rupert’s determination to maintain an iron grip on the group by means fair and foul may have been triggered by the precariousness of his own control of the family’s holding ... The control of the voting rights is only in Lachlan and Rupert’s hands while the family patriarch is alive... There is an intention, on the part of the other siblings, to reassert control of the [Fox & News] trust the moment Rupert dies.

“I am writing to let you all know that I have decided to transition to the role of Chairman Emeritus at Fox and News,” Murdoch wrote [in a letter to staff].

We have every reason to be optimistic about the coming years - I certainly am, and plan to be here to participate in them,” he added.

“In my new role, I can guarantee you that I will be involved every day in the contest of ideas.”