March 2, 2016

"I draw a blank. I'm really getting good at it." . . . Please come CAPTION Clarence Thomas!!!

Clarence (meditating-on-zero) Thomas is saying: "I would like to ask the Chief Justice a question pertaining to point-of-order, I think, or something else important sounding. . . . If Justice Scalia isn't here anymore to tell me to shut up, . . . and they tell me that I can say anything I want, . . . what am I supposed to say?"

March 1, 2016

"My first day in office and DU is gone, baby, gone!" . . . Please come CAPTION Donald Trump!!!!

Donald ("Ethics is the poor man's condom," ) Trump is saying: "Have you ever thought about what fact-checkers are? . . . What they really, really are? . . . I'll tell you what they are: they're losers!!!! . . . A bunch of math majors who flunked out of college and they think they're too good to bag groceries. . . . Math majors who couldn't count, if you can believe that. . . . That's all they are. . . I pity their parents, I really do. . . . So who are you going to believe: a bunch of terminal losers or me?"

February 29, 2016

I smell rubber burning. The Donald must be thinking. . . . Please come CAPTION Trump-o-matic!!!

Donald ("I'm just a bit down. I haven't foreclosed on anyone yet this week.&quot Trump is thinking: "I learned everything I know from infomercials! . . . You bet. . . . Like: 'We only have a few left in stock at this price. . . . You really, really need this! . . . It's the best of its kind. . . . Tomorrow it could be double, even triple. . . In fact, you're not really living without it. . . . And today we have a bonus . . .' Wow. Those guys were great! . . . If it wasn't for The Pocket Fisherman, today I'd probably be a manager for student rental apartments someplace like Fairbanks."

February 28, 2016

The Battle of the Blands! . . . Please come CAPTION Trump and Rubio!!!

Donald ("Food stamps water down the gene pool&quot Trump is saying: "That's okay by me, you pissy Choke-Artist, but I'm going to stick with the issues. . . . And by the way, your Mama says to tell you that your bottle-milk is warm"

Marco ("Horatio Alger was a piker&quot Rubio is saying: "Is that right, Spray-Meister? You wouldn't know an issue if it pissed in your Gerber's fruit snack! . . . Nobody thinks the issues are more important that I do! . . . Nobody! . . . And the next time you're at the Omaha Zoo, you better return the orangutan's ass you wear on your head!"

Donald ("My most important emotional relationship is with my right hand&quot Trump is saying: "Oh, yeah? . . . You better check if that's a puddle at your feet! . . . Uh oh! . . . Do I smell something? . . . I've got issues you haven't even dreamed of yet. . . . Why are you talking like that? . . . Is your mouth getting dry? . . . Don't lose it on national t.v., okay?"

Marco ("My hero is Dan Quayle&quot Rubio is saying: "I'll bet your pockets are full of candy for little kids. . . . I heard you have a secret room on your jet. . . . Your biggest issue is trying to keep that wounded bird on your head. . . .You haven't said a word on trade or the deficit or anything that's important to the American people. . . . Did you know when you open your mouth your face disappears?"


(blah, blah, blah, and into the night!)

February 27, 2016

"If I wasn't me, I'd commit suicide!" . . . Please come CAPTION Donald Trump!!!

Donald ("When I look in the mirror, my legs go weak&quot Trump is saying, "Let me tell you folks, nobody loves the Constitution as much as I do, but that First Amendment, . . . I mean what was anyone thinking? . . . In fact the press, who hide behind the First Amendment all day and all night, are some of the worst people you'll ever want to meet in your lives! . . . Liars! . . . Scum! . . . Cowards and traitors! . . . If you want to look for a cancer on our society, the press is worst than unions, big money, abortion clinics, heroin, ISIS, and illegal immigration put together!!! . . . When I'm president, the first thing I'm going to do is change the libel laws so they have to pay for their lies. . . . I mean really pay!!!! . . . And if someone's milk gets spilled or cookies get crumbled, well. . . . Like I say, I'm the greatest fan of The Constitution ever, but. . . ."



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Above CAPTION based on the following clip posted at Media Matters:

http://mediamatters.org/video/2016/02/26/donald-trump-promises-to-sue-the-media-for-nega/208842

February 26, 2016

Please come CAPTION last night's Clown Car of Stupid!!!!

Marko ("I always wipe before I flush&quot Rubio just finished saying: "Trump here is doing wheelies in the street in terms of changing his position. . . Why I . . . in terms of his . . . Knows exactly. . . . wheelies in Trumps' ear . . . Pez position . . ."

Donald ("I've got a pack of jumbo condoms in my pocket&quot Trump is saying: "You, Marko or Mario or whatever you say your name is, you're a pathetic choke artist! You probably get performance anxiety at the ATM. . . . And Teddy, here, . . . What a creep!. . . He can't open his mouth without lying! . . . Another sick loser!"

Teddy ("I got a pair of panties in my pocket&quot Cruz is about to say: "How can I be lying when I say I'm telling the truth, unless I'm lying about telling the truth and then don't tell the truth, which is what I say I'm not doing. . . . It makes absolutely no sense!"


Ben ("Don't I get to talk?&quot Carson is thinking off stage: "When are they going to ask me about brain aneurisms?"

February 26, 2016

"Why am I not a brother? I've got soul-jive." . . . . Please come CAPTION Bill O'Reilly!!!

Bill ("Why think if your ratings swell?&quot O'Reilly is saying: "And another thing: African Americans wouldn't even have a Black History Month if the whites in America wouldn't have invited them over to join in white history . . . . Makes you wonder, doesn't it? . . . I mean, just who owes who reparations? . . . And that's the Talking Points Memo for tonight, . . . Now it's on to our big story: Hillary Clinton's secret e-mails to her hair dresser!!!"




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Above CAPTION feebly based on the following Media Matters clip:

http://mediamatters.org/blog/2016/02/25/how-fox-news-celebrates-black-history-month/208801

February 25, 2016

"You guys are all very, very stupid! Am I right or what?" . . . Please come CAPTION Donald Trump!!!

Donald ("Make mine Manhattan&quot Trump is saying: "The reason I say the uneducated are smarter than the ninnies who go to college and spend all their time reading dirty books is obvious: they're not brainwashed with thinking and thought. . . . They know what they feel, and that's that. . . . Now I went to Wharton, the genius school, but . . . (blah, blah, blah)"


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AQbove CAPTION based on the following Crooks and Liars story with a swell clip, or a clip of a swell, or a sweltering ship, or . . .:

http://crooksandliars.com/2016/02/donald-trump-lauds-poorly-educated-nevada

February 24, 2016

"Then there are those turd salads at CNN!!!". . .Please come CAPTION Trump supporter Roger Stone!!!

Roger ("Geraldo is going to kick my *ss. Can't wait! Last time it hurt so good I still get h*rd when I think about it!!!!&quot Stone is saying: "It's really inexplicable why CNN let me go. . . . All I did was make a few comments about one of their mentally challenged, swarthy CNN announcers, an over-indulged feminine mistake of a bio-form, and a few about the general fecal prevarications of their news staff and anchors. . . . All I can figure is: the Clintons made them fire me!"


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Above CAPTION based on the following Crooks and Liars story with Twitter links:

http://crooksandliars.com/2016/02/cnn-finally-bans-trump-surrogate-over-vile

February 23, 2016

"Jesus and me? We go way back!" . . . Please come CAPTION Bill O'Reilly!!!

Bill ("Gumming up the cerebral cortex for over fifty years&quot O'Reilly is saying: "Somebody needs to set the Pope straight, and I'm just the guy to do it. . . . If I was granted an audience, I'd tell him about how Jesus would support building build a wall to keep the Mexicans out. . . . (Heck, I can even imagine a photo-shoot with Jesus laying the first brick on the cover of USA Today!) . . And then I'd tell him how Jesus would boycott all sanctuary cities . . . . (Just picture Christ frowning from above the fold on the first page of the New York Times!) . . . . And then I'd tell him how Jesus would publically anoint me as his spokesperson. . . . (I can even imagine the ceremony beneath the Capitol Dome on the cover of Time after it names us Men of the Year!) . . . Frankly, I'd tell Pope Francis a lot about Jesus. . . . But it makes me wonder. . . . He's the Pope. . . . Why doesn't he know these things? . . . Makes me wonder."


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Above CAPTION based on the following O'Reilly transcript at News Hounds:

http://www.newshounds.us/o_reilly_lectures_the_pope_about_christianity_and_immigration_022216